she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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