toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize