Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
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