this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
