Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
