Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Is this like a preordered booty call?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
