I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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