I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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