I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
