I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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