8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
