Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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