Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize