wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
