4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
