This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think my nap took me to another dimension
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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