Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
