I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
