I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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