Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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