Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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