even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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