Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
just tell him i said nine months
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize