So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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