Having a random hookup so left but love u
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
