Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Just invented taco cereal.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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