I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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