I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
We got so high we made milksteak
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
