I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
