i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
