I'm gonna have a badass scar
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
