do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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