I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It's rum buckets o'clock
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
