she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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