Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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