he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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