Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
