don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize