Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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