that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize