oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Randomize
