I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
