I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
