she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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