All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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