well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
