hell yes lets make some ravioli
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
