the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
