just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize