Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Randomize
