We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
