Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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