if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
