I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
