he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
