Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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