you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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