She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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