i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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