The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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