the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
