No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
