I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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